Title:Closing down
Mood:Sad,Lonely Deppressed
Song:Untukmu Sayang

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Oh.. Oh..
Untukmu sayang


Dear Diary,
Im sorry that you looked very plain.But I guess its time.Im closing this diary down.Which means,Im closing you down.Put somewhere else,Never meant to be look again.Lock in a corner.Im so sorry Dear Diary.You have been good to me.Im so grateful to have you.If only you are living here.But guess you are nothing but a good listener..

I given up everything dear diary.Its been hard.But guess its time then.You know diary,hmm..Let me call you a name today ok?I called you Nana for today.Dont ask me why.You know Nana,eversince I was a little boy,I used to have a dream.A dream that I have hidden deep deep in my heart.Yes,A dream.A dream still yet not accomplished.I dreamt about being a someone special.Someone who is there to help others in need.So,I have chosen my occupation as a lawyer.I wanted to be a lawyer.To help others in need.To help those criminals who is too poor to hire a lawyer.I pity people you know.Everyone has to be given a second chance to change themselve.But nowadays,I dont see the laws giving chances to them.Death-sentence you know.They never got the chance.It saddens me the most.

When I reached primary school,I began to adapt to people.To began my observation about people.To see how they react to actions.How they feel.Being bullied is always been a pleasure but I learn a lot from there.Thanks Nazmi.I still remember the way you bully me.Laugh at my stupidity.But who is stupid now?I see you hanging around in void decks and
mixing with wrong company.You failed your PSLE and stayed back.Whos stupid now?

Then,I reached finally to secondary.My brother ex-school.Here,I began to see the changes of people.How Arif and the gang ignore me because Im too stuck up and proud.Well,partly,I blame myself too.Without them,I think I will be someone evil.No someone evil,someone who sees evil.Then,I began to get along with a skinhead.From there,I learnt bout it.Learn bout it history and roots.By June,I considered myself as a skinhead.A boy that is proud.Fighting for my right.I began to learn more bout life and make new friends.Began to do negative things.Hah~Those were the days.

All those times,my life began to get lonely.Too lonely I guess.Then I met a girl named Nana.-Sigh-Those were the times where I learn more and more about love.My ex-girlfriends are not that serious enough to be in love.So I forget them anyway.I feel so happy to be with someone who is older than me.Shes so cute,pretty and small for her age.I know by then she will be the one forever in my life.I met her and know her by going her house with her brother Biol.I still remembered,we were watching Tv and I look and her and she look at me and we both laugh..Hehehe.Then,all over the sudden,I feel the raging love deep in me.I cant help it but to feel weak and let love take over me.I made a mistake at that point.I thought we could last long.Things arent right at first.We broke up in a few weeks.Kinda deppressed and sad.Then came the part,where life began to take place..

Waited her for 3 months.Endless suffering.Then came at the gig,I fought with her brother for misunderstandings but we make it through anyway.I pop the questions.The answer is Yes.I feel so happy.So lively once more.I came out of the shell I been living in my entire life.I wanna share joy and my happiness with her.But then,problems began to resurface.Im scared though.Im scared she wont make it through with me.My fears turned to reality.It happened.I going to stop it here.

Really Nana,I began to feel very deppressed.I feel like a ghost.I kept dreaming about you and such.I feel so cold and empty when I woke up.My tears are dried up from crying everynight.Sometimes,I really wanna say forward to you and say "All I need is your love.I love you so much.I need you.Dont ask me why.I just need you".But it was not reached.Being love by you is what I try to chase.I sacrifice my happiness just to be with you.But,I guess everything is too late.-Sigh-Where can I find my happiness.I just do not know dear Nana.Its hard.Wished you are living yet you are just my illusion.Wished you are here with me again.

*Smiling*
You know.Life is getting quieter without you.I am so lonely and cold.I been searching through my lonely heart for the traces of love you left.I never did want to say Goodbye you know Nana.I never did.Its the truth.I never did want to find another girlfriend.I know its hard at first.But I left myself too much in you.I just cant conditioned myself in other girls.Guess thats all I have to say.Do you have anything to say Nana?If you do,just write in your blog,and I will look at it everyday.Dont be too worried about me ok?I will be ok.Though I will change my attitude.But dont worry.-Sigh-Miss you a lot..Somewhere,I still love you just like last time,Yeah,,the feeling is great.Theres still memories left in me.Seriously,I still left it here.Not in my cupboard,not in my diary,Not anywhere,but here,deep in my heart where you and I will always be.

Time to go.I will packed my bag and leave the world.Its just a matter of time.I made up my mind.To leave when the time is right.Im wont promised that I will leave the world.Cause I still have a life,but theres no choice.Goodbye Diary.Goodbye.Im closing it now.Leaving everything behind.I gonna miss you.I will reopen it again,Not now.but maybe after I settle everything again.....

I will waste my time here in this world before I die,
But till then,let me wipe the tears from your lovely eyes,
I feel so blue by the moonlight,wish you were here,
To sit by me,watch the stars,waiting for the dreams to be hear,

Im not referring to anybody,but you,just you and me,
You know,the love is so strong,I wished you can see,
But,I have to go,leaving this world behind,I have done enough,
Please do remember me loving you,I know you will,Cause I still love you so....

P.s.Take me to the moon,Take me to the stars,But dont forget,take me to your heart.They asked me "If you could be born again where would you want to live?"I say,"Well,I would like to live where there may be sunshine,blue sky,stars at night and dreams and there must be you that I love."

To:Farhana
By:Azri


11:23 PM