 Monday, April 11, 2005
I cried today..at home after I cut my hair.Im crying as I type.You know how people life gets miserable each day.Somebody said that she did not care whether I died or not.The words that came out from a friend,hurts my heart..Slicing my life into pieces.Anyway,not many people read my blog..So sometimes,I fuck what I want..I think Im losing everything already..Friends,foes or whoever..Thanks for those who still cares..I appreciates...Why should I cry tonight..Now,I realise the reality around me.Maybe I exist for the wrong purpose..God,if this the case,take my life away..Its better.Im just a burden. And people say my messages is irritating.Im sorry. Guess,thats life for me..Well,who cares whether im crying or not..I die or not... The song in my blog is so meaningful for me..It touched my soul,my heart.It makes me think about my father whom Im not close yet gave me everything I wants..I dun need anything..I just need your heart.. And I swear,if the day before I die,I want to have a final walk,a final talk with you..And how I wished I could play a song that would never end.. Dear God, I know I did not prays or do a good deed.But I can still recalled how I helped a retarded child finding its way back home.I know my mistakes in life.How cruel I sometimes judge people but right now,Im currently having an unbalanced problems.If you could help me by making my father the way he is last time,please do.I tried everything,to avoid him and everything.People around me sometimes arent helping,guess this is the only solution cause you are the one who created me.Put me where you want,in a place where theres cruel or hatred,friends or foes,I dont care,but please return the way my father is last time.If I died one day,please let me die before he does,I want him to know,his son is here,is suffering from emotional pains,and he wants his father to be happy not angry all the time.He wants to be in a joyful family where he could take him for a walk or to the beach.Maybe people looked at me like a pyscho freak and when they had enough,they will ignore me...that happeneds to me.It keeps repeating and repeating and repeating.I guess,I have made a decision to be on my own,to treasure who I have to.My lil brother did not understand much about me and my brother always work and work.Theres no one there for me.... When life took you by hand,lead you to a rough journey,you will understand. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Father called me up just now..Asks whether I wants anything or not.Im touched even though I dont want anything.I had to lie to him that I had revised..I cant concentrate..I cant focus anymore...Everythings is failing me...I can feel my life slowly pushing itself to the past..Mother nearly saw me crying,I dried my eyes.I dont want her to know..What Im facing... And I remember,when I was still in the kindergarden,you bring me out.Carrying me.I guess without your support,I wont make it.And I remember you threatened to run away from the house.Please dont.I dont know where I would be.. |
myself 
who am i? turning 20cents this year.(18 at heart). wandering around a small city called singapore is the most favourable pastime we all liked to do. sure you can complain but nothing beats the safety and security here. a city so small that somewhat, each of us is connected. such as your bapok used to be my bestfriend and the shotgun marriage girl next to your door used to be the brightest student in class. so yeah. i love it here. XD so yerp. serving my ns right now. basically im wasting time and using up the money they gave me. nodding my head in agreement to what they say and to look at em with the brightest eyes i could give. cant wait to go back to school and see all the little boys and bitches act like as if they know everything. 02 december 2010. world cup and ORDoooo!!! lol. thats as much as i could fill you in. anyways, does anyone knows how to permanently remove a moustache? mom says its a man thing but i think people with moustache are the most evil person on earth cept for dad. and oh lastly, i love my friends as much as they love me eventho i dont know how the fuck people calculate love. what measurement unit is it suppose to be? kilovegrams? and oh wait! when a friend came up to you and say, "Relax, theres many fishes in the sea." Do remember to give a middle finger and say this, "fishes? theres more bitches in there eating up all the fishes now." look around dear friend, sex is important to us now, that some of the youth considered it as a 2nd Language. :D |