I woke up at 4 and realised I just missed my Zuhur Prayers and I havent bath yet.I tried to woke up and seize today as a brand new day but I cant.

Seeing myself suffering is not the right way for me.Somehow I felt angry for the people who are doing hurtful things to me.And I knew I had to be strong.I had to be.But what if things keep repeating over and over and the person who hurts you are always there in your life?The person you see everyday at school.And what if you are doings things right and they are blaming you for it and turn it to deaf ears?Doesnt it hurt you?

When you are trying to say you care.Why people scolds the person for the wrong?Im not doing this things for fun and she should know it.But why in the end Im the blame and it was me who hurts by the silence.The smiles and laughters I gave in the crowd turns into sadness and depression at home or when Im alone.I tried to show my happiness in front of people so that they wont worry.Not many people knew my blog and Im thankful for that because this blog is where I rants,complains and writes about my life.

Its an everyday thing because I cant rely on people I supposed.So here I am,showing my weakness.....And certain people will find out and make use of it on me....

Will people remember my deathday instead of my birthday?Will they remember?Will the day when I slit my wrist slowly and people will start noticing and talk to me?Will people start to worry when I gave out my suicide letter or sit on the edge of my window?Will father and mom start to stay at home and have more family dinners?

I dont have any family dinners and thats why I realised Im not close to them anymore.Everyday,most of the family gone to their seperate ways and I still remember how we used to have family dinners last time.Sigh....

Will the day when I die then people will start remembering me,regretting on how they treat me last time?Will the day when I had an accident and crippled,then people will start helping me?I rather die than waste my parents money to buy medicines for me.I rather...

When Su said yesterday on why we have to change for people and not thinking about ourselves.Yes,I know but do they really treasure those change?Do they feel thankful about it?Will they?They dont.My friends dont.My friends dont.

When people used to complained their problems to me last time and move away far away from me,I dont mind and I dont mind.But it is in my favour that things goes wrong..Things go wrong.....

Who knew that theres still a boy somewhere that lives his life in the state of depression?Who knew that hes making his life shorter?Who knew that theres more in life than death cant get into the boy head.Who knew that hes trying to make things right and people started to move away from him because he freaked and scared them?Who knew that he trying to stop things from happening...Who knew?Who knew?Nobody knew.....Thats why hes like this at times.Emoing pathetically on his own.....Maybe his birthday will be a day people will remember.....

p.s.Im sorry if these entry is emo.But tears rolled out as I wrote.....Sobz sobz...

Im going out today...anyone to follow or listen to my rants?

--------------------------300 am--------------------------------
Emoapen.....

Im being emo after feeling angry about seeing somebody name on a friend blog.Is it Im being too jealous?Or is it that I feel the disapoinment..Or is it both?

Do you like seeing me like this?Do you enjoy?Or do you think its fun?I hope you do.Because you are not making things better....

Because Fun Without Me Is Actually Fun Afterall.....

I hope you enjoy seeing me engulfing myself in silence.I hope you enjoy seeing me fall down again and again as I try to reach you....

And if there should be a friend who once betrays you are making things worst.Please dont....Cause Im hurting over here.......

I just lost....I just lost....Can my birthday in 1 week time celebrates all by my own?

Why are you making things worst when Im doing things right?

Is it me...or is you?

Are you carried away by exaggrating things and forgetting all the bright side or are you doing revenge?

If I should say that I cant accept you last time then Im sorry....Im not being 'playing hard to get' but I never realised.And now when it is my turn,you just say friends....But whats the use of 3 years wasting.........when Im here already...its ok its ok...When one grows,they will tend to know more people.....

And can I just say my goodbye here now?
Or do you want me to leave?
Because I just dont feel right staying around...

Or should my early funeral be a day to remember?

Goodbyes...goodbyes...Sobs....

I should have study yet im here emoing....

p.s.Wake me up when September ends.........

4:20 PM