Its funny and keeps me wondering how I can managed to know people characteristic in a very short time.Is people becoming common nowadays or am I just that lucky?I never consider Im smart.No Im not.

I feel angry and sad when people cheated me behind my backs.Well everyone does.I dont need a liar or somewhat,a hypocrite to make me happy?No,I dont need that anymore.If what you think or thought that sweet words can deceive me and make me happy and satisfied,and you can go wandering around on your own,flirting and fucking or whatsoever.Guess what,maybe you met the wrong person in life.And I dont mind being someone you shall regret too.

I guess this is a final straw.Changing isnt a very bad idea either when you have your best friend with you all the time.That is,your fags.1 stick 2 stick 3 stick,go go go!

And who knows,I might just be a psychokiller listed in the front page of the Strait Times.Masscare killings.Ahaks.

As I grow,I met more and more people who have the same interest with me,who can LAUGH along with me.I feel so thankful that I had such friends.And I dont think ITE is a bad place afterall.How wronged am I when I was in Sec 3.Having thoughts that ITE is a gangster paradise,where kids went in and become a biatch,full tattoo body,a slave to gangsterism or even worse,being killed or beaten up.

Maybe the 1989 batch is different afterall.I had people liked Mus,he used to be in the Secret Societies but oh boy,he is definitely fun and out going person.And people liked Bain,where we always head bang at the back of the class.He rocks.Yes,he do.People liked Abang,a 25 years old guy who understand teens or boisterous boys liked us and is willing to keep our fags in case the boys in blue screens us.Or even people liked Khai,who liked to disturb me for dunno what reason.And great other friends which words cannot describe them but Im proud to say that they are cool.

And I realised too,not many people are in relationships liked me at this age.Dont asked me why though.Now I really dont feel liked going out carrying a gun or a knife(even though those are all imaginations,but it seems so real! as it has lived long enough in me) and killed those happy people outside.

Looking outside the windows and watched the starless sky and hoping and hoping to see a shooting star and wished upon it.Now I just couldnt bother anymore.I dont believe in fairy tales.I have become more realistic type of person.

Sad to say,all these can turn into a melancholic feeling later in the night and I shall have to make use of my fags.Breathing in and out.Trying hard to make O's.And I found out mine is small and cute.The next thing Im trying to do is a heart.Yeah..

And all good things shall end and I know mine has ended long time ago no matter what people say.As I walked out the door and enter a dark and cold world.Where warmth are just temporary and sweet words meant nothing.Dont hold me back because I wanted to get use to it.

Yet better still,on the brightside,I still had my ITE friends but for how long?Nobody answers and I dont think I dont want to know too.Let it be a dream that shall never ends.

And at this point of time.Maybe its better to start praying after the 44 days.

Hah.I shall be happy to stay young at the heart.

p.s.Undefeated and unharm,I can still see myself falling down as I live the lines of these book that never ends...

updated at 210am
Too late for Je T`adore

Your smile,they are beautiful,but Im hating it,
Those lips that poison the veins of mine,
Dumbstruck in a daze,you make sure I fall asleep,
The face with the wicked sneer,carefully hidden,

Betraying love and smashing the future we built,
Resting on broken wings,you wanted me to carry you,
Am I too clever for this?Killing each other feelings without the sense of guilt?
Where the stories consist of lies that makes up the truth?

And your mouth will be sealed with needles and threads,
Je T`adore doesnt mean anything so powerful liked it used to,
Or whatever it means,you are completely safe from any threats,
Tied up on a stake,you will be the centre of attention of the hearts you stole,

So,I will ask God to penance your sins,
As I cut you and me and we will bleed together and still smiled with satisfaction,
Because,I cant think of another way to let you see,
My efforts in vain,so that you wont run away from me,

The muffle voice behind the needles and threads cant be heard now,
And I will sit and smile,as you regret for taking things for granted,
As you cried,soaking tears and oils,I will make sure it will be slow,
Lit ciggarette in hand,I threw them as I see you burnt into ashes....








6:06 PM