if theres god then why must the innocence suffer.why must the monks who protest peacefully,shot down,taken in the shadows and killed behind the human eyes.why must the world wait and see the brutality on tv and yet do nothing about it.why musnt there be a assassination takes place against the leader who made the brutal decision.


think about it.why would a man assassinated a leader who would bring goodwill to the world,people liked john kennedy and some other leaders in iraq.


the people who lived the longest will suffer with disease and those who died young will suffer because they never get the chance to live the world to the fullest.either way.everything we do,theres will be a major downfall unexpected in every turn.


sometimes.i feel sick and tired.sick and tired as we lived to fall.


why the sudden thinking sometimes i asked myself.


since the day nenek arrived at my house.i felt the sympathy that will automatically strike my heart with hidden guilt and fear.i carelessly lived my life forgetting the ones that will forget..


bound to a wheelchair with my makcik maid who took care of her.a maid to take care of her.to think about it.the maid doesnt owe anything to my nenek.nenek doesnt even feed her or took care of her when she was young.but my makciks and my pakciks.i cant blame em much really.since everybody has their own life.


where i stand and saw my makcik cleaned my nenek up.everytime she did her business,the maid will have to clean it up for her.if my nenek is god daamn okay and able to walk.i will fcuking not worry about anything.but to see her living liked a human vegetable that saddens my heart the most.she doesnt talk or looked at me anymore.liked she did last time.oh im forgetting.shes turning 80 soon fcuk.and i did forgotten her age till mom told me.


i asked mom what age was grandad when he passed away.60 plus.so nenek lived alone for 20 miserable years.20 fcuking miserable years.and teenagers nowadays cant stand living a year without a girlfriend or boyfriend.


my uncle was a victim of his own stupidity.he sold his house,thinking he could get a new house but now,he is homeless for the time being.so nenek have to shift around for a while.i cant believe my uncle could be so quixotic...


jeez...


if you could listen to the sounds of my feet,
running down the hallway calling your name,
waiting for you to bring me around the HDB,
then i believed im where you are still the same,


if you could hold my hands and we'll collect flowers,
put em in the small drawer of your sewing machine,
then you will carry me to the bathroom for a shower,
i still believe that you could suprised me with anything,


lets go to the shop and bought the toys i will broke,
you knew it but not a single word you spoke,
you asked me to open my small hand and i did,
the next thing i knew,im running back to you smiling,


as years passed,you were treated unfairly,
i didnt knew disease would changed everything,
your chubby cheeks sunken with eyes grey and watery,
i missed your kiss and advices you gave when im leaving,


you said,to take care of my parents,
i did my best but i left my dad a physical blow,
something i did thats hard to amend,
if only you knew,life wasnt easy without you around,


and here you are,sitting before me,
looking at me liked someone you never met,
dont you remember you gave me the light,
the strength for me to carry on but you stayed behind...


i miss your soul..

12:05 AM