 Saturday, November 10, 2007
i feel kinda sad right now. sad at what my life have become.its not that im blaming people for what had happened.i guess everything just begins with me.my decisions werent made wisely.now that im feeling the regret and theres nothing possibly i could do. its all chaos right here.in my life.its not that im exaggerating things but my paranoids are for real... maybe im far away from god thats why i feel this way.so down.down but yet easily felt angry.i just dont know.dont know why im feeling this.dont know why i must started all this.or is it just me?i blamed myself for whatever happened in life.so used getting blamed that i felt the weight of the world is on my shoulders. i never asked for this.i never asked for a miserable childhood.that dragged till i reached my teenage years.till now.am i that hard to be accepted.or is it hard for me to accept people? when i smoke.when i sat on the toilet bowl,waiting for my shit to come out with the help of the cigarrette,i gave a thought on whats happening.why does this kind of shit happened.maybe im a failure.a failure who just dont want others to fail.yeah .. i failed my parents.some of my friends..myself..miserably..my educations.. go on..underestimate me.i know you will.tell the people how bad am i in life.the way i treat people.tell em.tell em the bad things i did.forget all the good things.who needs em anyway when you only want supporters to support you.all against me.me against the odds.tell em im irritating.im ego.tell em im just liked any other typical boys out there. i no longer cared for what had happened.for i just dont have the strength anymore to hold on.its so hard.all the feelings that ive kept.all the thoughts i gave.everything is killing me. i cant believe im changing.i can feel the change that sets in me.the low self esteem azri i used to be.its coming back..wheres my confidence? dear god, i will prove my innocence to the world.i will prove that i am just liked any other kids out there who wanted to live a problem-free life..to go out and have fun.to sleep and look forward for tomorrow. if you can,do give me back my confidence.my strength to hold on.the people who could support me till i grow old.an optimistic brain.maybe,just bring me closer to you.i want my faith back.i want to believe theres something out there than just humans and machines. tell the people.tell em im nothing anymore.tell em i no longer have anything to give,nothing to sacrifice.everything is destroyed.tell em i gave up living.tell em everything is caused by me.. yeah.. me... goodbye. |
myself 
who am i? turning 20cents this year.(18 at heart). wandering around a small city called singapore is the most favourable pastime we all liked to do. sure you can complain but nothing beats the safety and security here. a city so small that somewhat, each of us is connected. such as your bapok used to be my bestfriend and the shotgun marriage girl next to your door used to be the brightest student in class. so yeah. i love it here. XD so yerp. serving my ns right now. basically im wasting time and using up the money they gave me. nodding my head in agreement to what they say and to look at em with the brightest eyes i could give. cant wait to go back to school and see all the little boys and bitches act like as if they know everything. 02 december 2010. world cup and ORDoooo!!! lol. thats as much as i could fill you in. anyways, does anyone knows how to permanently remove a moustache? mom says its a man thing but i think people with moustache are the most evil person on earth cept for dad. and oh lastly, i love my friends as much as they love me eventho i dont know how the fuck people calculate love. what measurement unit is it suppose to be? kilovegrams? and oh wait! when a friend came up to you and say, "Relax, theres many fishes in the sea." Do remember to give a middle finger and say this, "fishes? theres more bitches in there eating up all the fishes now." look around dear friend, sex is important to us now, that some of the youth considered it as a 2nd Language. :D |