a friend. i met when i was young. decided to check on her again. to know whats going on. dont get me wrong. its not im missing her or something. but have you wonder about the people that suddenly went missing? the one that suddenly keep appearing online on your msn, but never talk for like how many years?

so i checked the people that went offline for so long. recalling back on how i met them. well, we all used IRCs last time. so i decided to copy and paste their email id on friendster. most of them ended zero results. most probably changed their emails or just went missing like that.

and it made me wonder. did some of them actually like, die? we will never know. and the curiousity keeps playing in my head. encouraging me to search for em more. so eventually i managed to find one.

her name is Erika. she used to be my friend when i was in sec 1. a year older than me. we met in gigs and yes we contact each other for awhile. i still remember, she scolded me when her mood was like &$%$, and i keep laughing and i still remembered what she said to me at msn,

"kau masih budak kecik so kau tak tau apa2. kau diam uh budak kecik irritating!"

HAHAHHAHA.

hrmm. now shes like 20. the same age as my girlfriend. tried talking to her at msn but i cant think of anything to say.

well. eventually, i found her profile at at this club website. and she eventually hook up with a mat rip. sheesh. she used to have better ex boyfriends last time. esp the time when she was with the keedyweenk bassist. and i hoped, things will be much better for you in the future. may god bless you. and stop the stupid clubbing shit thingy.

ah the old times. how i wished i could turn back time and make things better.

now. with everyone rushing to chase after their dreams, its no wonder how friends could turn into strangers. i understand, how our dads and moms suddenly dont have any friends, something, which would make us wonder, who they mix with last time? and where are they now?

i used to believe, friends will stay until the day they die, but eventually, most of them, died in the land of the forgotten, even before they reach 20s. with so much segregation taking place, so much egos, so comfortable with one another, we seem to have forgotten to swallow our pride. taking things the easy way, and never venture out for chances. but like most of us would say the word "understand" in the end, we never do anything about it. moving on is already a common word to say. i guess, thats how it works. its either you got nothing to do with me or i got nothing to do with you.

how i wished, sometimes, people would do things together. to listen to what each other heart is saying, and to bring down their egos and open a listening ear.

and its okay now. its okay.. :)



if this is how we show our loyalty,
if this is the point of gaining trust,
then the meaning shall be redefine,
and yet we all keep trying and failing,

i dont need the beautiful to be optimistic,
the sudden event occured me so fast,
it left an open scar like a ghost carrying its dead body,
what are the odds now? we will be wiped out eventually,

this life, certainly have been driven with fear,
with cold sweat and shaky hands,
you keep repeating the word "god"
each time you dodged deadly bullets from the MG-42,

are you sure its your turn?
did you see me elsewhere in the open field?
obviously you cant see me at all till you meet death,
and then, you will whisper what i've said to your platoon.

2:10 AM