 Wednesday, January 14, 2009
you, stood still, cold and wrapped with white sheets. make up, you still looked beautiful. liked how you smiled when you took care of me. here, right infront of me, the only difference is that, you don't talk. liked how you used to whenever i visit you. you didn't called me gembol. you just lay down there, lifeless. my hands shivered as i sprinkled some mintly powdery stuffs with flowers around your face. i want to kiss your forehead but i am scared. scared my tears will fall and the burial will be delayed. i am scared when they covered your face and wrapped the top. i missed you so much. and today, i've seen your face for the last time. Yesterday. Warrant Derrick said, "2207, Mohd Azri. We just received a call from your parents that your grandmother just passed away. Her body is still in the hospital. Later, i will called you again and you packed your stuffs and go home okay?" "But Sir, won't I fail my IFC? it's okay Sir, I don't want to recourse." "Azri, you have to understand. you send your grandmother only once. that is the only time you will see her. you don't have to worry. you have my word, you will pass your IFC. Go home and I will let you book in 1930 tommorow evening." When he said that to me, i was nearly filled with tears. I didnt knew how heavy it would be. Especially when you're not ready. especially when you're out there, in the jungle, and it rains. yes, it rains in Permatang and Singapore when you passed away. I was busy helping my friend setting his tent, and i just finished smoking secretly with my good friend in the tent. And in the rain, i didn't knew you would go. So during dinner, I went home. and get ready to see you. I went into your room and saw my aunties. I recognized the figure beneath the kain batik. and I opened it and saw you. I kissed your forehead. you felt cold for the first time. and your eyes, they are closed. how i missed your watery eyes. they are so filled with love. and your hands are straight. they don't move. i remembered how strong your clutch is, whenever you talked to me and you held my hand, you never wanted to let it go. if you could, you would want me to stay and talk to you forever. i miss you alot, nenek. i wrote something, something for you. something for me to remember. 14 January 2009 Here, the lady who i owed my life to, lays still as her love ones surrounded her, each with individual emotions. Sad or happy, nobody knew. But, I, felt miserable about her loss. For she, acts liked my mother when my parents were working for money. She, Asma Bte Omar, asked for nothing in return instead, she keeps on giving. She, Asma Bte Omar is my grandmother. Nobody gave me so much love. Only you, Asma Bte Omar. I remembered, what you said to me, when my father forced you out of the house, he is cruel but i hoped you forgive him for he treats me better now. I was crying and hugging you not to go, but you said, "Nevermind, nenek have to go. Daddy don't want me to stay anymore. Take good care of yourself okay?" You were crying but you told me you didn't. I remembered. there were tears beneath the spectacles you were wearing. How good times were when i was with you. You bought me sweets, tidbits and toys everytime I finished school. I was in K1. you always brought me along everywhere you go. I remembered, the time was around 0700hrs, you carried me and we walked along the corridor. I still remembered the dark blue sky as morning sets in. You made the best drink for me. You mixed horlicks and milo and i will sucked it dry from my bottle. Then, after school we would walked to this tree and picked up small yellow flowers on the ground and you asked me to smell. I hesitate at first but i tried smelling it and it's nice. Then we would keep it on the drawer of your sewing machine. when you got the time, you would sew the flowers together, making it a necklace while i sat and watched. Its more than 15 years now but I still remembered. The most vivid memory I ever had with you is when you tied my hands together because I am so naughty. My uncle took a picture of it and I still have it on my photo album. You would called me Gembol. You fed me. You replaced my mother. I tasted your hands before I tasted my own mother. And as I grows older, whenever I visit you, you would gave me money. but times changed, and i seldom visit you. i lost my responsibilities as a good grandson. 2 years before, on Hari Raya Haji, you couldn't remember who I am. i am heartbroken but i blamed myself. Yesterday, on 13 January 2009, you passed away. you lived for 80 years. You were there when i was born and i was there for your funeral. I owe my life to you but this is the best i could ever do. I wished I could dug out the sand and see your face but i couldn't. Dear Asma Bte Omar, forgive me for my sins and whatever mistakes i ever did to you and please look out for me when you're up there. I will always pray for you down here, hoping God take your life away just to send you to a better place. You have been a good grandmother for me. You made me realised how sad I am when you're not here with me anymore. you made me realised, even how old you are, true love will never fade away. you're liked an angel, sent down by God to give love and protect. And I swear, my world stood still when your breath stopped. And now, I want you to know how thankful i am to have a grandmother liked you and this long entry is just for you. it acts like a monument. anything for you, Asma Bte Omar... amin. Arwah Asma Bte Omar 1929-2009 p.s with all respect from me, i would not update my blog for a week. |
myself 
who am i? turning 20cents this year.(18 at heart). wandering around a small city called singapore is the most favourable pastime we all liked to do. sure you can complain but nothing beats the safety and security here. a city so small that somewhat, each of us is connected. such as your bapok used to be my bestfriend and the shotgun marriage girl next to your door used to be the brightest student in class. so yeah. i love it here. XD so yerp. serving my ns right now. basically im wasting time and using up the money they gave me. nodding my head in agreement to what they say and to look at em with the brightest eyes i could give. cant wait to go back to school and see all the little boys and bitches act like as if they know everything. 02 december 2010. world cup and ORDoooo!!! lol. thats as much as i could fill you in. anyways, does anyone knows how to permanently remove a moustache? mom says its a man thing but i think people with moustache are the most evil person on earth cept for dad. and oh lastly, i love my friends as much as they love me eventho i dont know how the fuck people calculate love. what measurement unit is it suppose to be? kilovegrams? and oh wait! when a friend came up to you and say, "Relax, theres many fishes in the sea." Do remember to give a middle finger and say this, "fishes? theres more bitches in there eating up all the fishes now." look around dear friend, sex is important to us now, that some of the youth considered it as a 2nd Language. :D |