"Why in the world they would wanna take the crowded NR buses and pay 3.50 bucks just to stand."
"Because, just liked you, they don't have the money to take a cab home."

and i scratched the itch on my limb and went back to sleep. leaving my thoughts behind.

updated

so i thought about it. you will never know whats inside my mind when i am doing my route march. the open fields with tall lalang surrounding us. the empty sky. the hot weather and the sand that swallow our sole. as we marched on with our rifles and our full battle order. the rough terrain we crossed. the sweat that i licked when it reached my mouth. i know, i know its kind disgusting but when you are out there, tired and empty, you dont care at all. the blisters that began to eat our feet. i thought about it. as birds flew over us and we encouraged the others to march on. not to give up. not to waste the 12km and re-do it all over again.

the last 4km was hellish. time is nearing to 12 and the sun, exposed. sand blew to our face when we walked. i looked behind to see who's giving up, i saw the heat wave few metres from where we standing. i tried to be optimistic. i began to embrace God's creation. whenever we went back to the abandoned training shed, where tall lalangs surrounded us, i told myself, you cant get this anywhere in fucking singapore. i smiled whenever i thought about singapore, eventho sometimes i hate it, still, i missed my friends and the tall buildings.

2km left and we were tired. we were tired because we did 8km the day before and we are abit left behind for our 12km. we, the minority who missed a single route march. overnight in a trainning shed where some of the others, get back to their bunk and sleep on a comfortable bed. its unfair but its better to get over it. along with the sit test people but they slept in their tent.

so we marched on. 2km to go. 2 recruits have fall out. while others raced to get to the front, forgetting their friends behind, i decided to stay and wait for the rest, i am not a hero but i feel better when everyone finished together.

we passed the sphinx bridge, looking forward to the signboard number 10. we saw the green railings, we are near. we continue walking, our rifles hot to touch, too much exposure to the sun, we saw the training shed, we saw Warrant Derrick and its over.

16 km and 24 km route march to go and by then, we are throwing our jockey caps high up in the sky as our parents watched us, from boys to men, we all grow up.

and even after all that, you will never know whats in my mind. for i myself, dont even know whats up there. just questions and questions. never answers but suggestions. and it goes on. on and on. when im on level 4 of my company line, searching for the airport tower. to tell myself, i am still within the reach of my home.

for they, will never knew, the freshmen that always took the ferry on every Sunday just to cross the sea to where we were trained to be soldiers. to be slaves of the government. to leave things behind and gain more things ahead. and how precious our weekends off would be. they never taste the confinement yet.

i never knew. how things could changed without asking for so many reasons. and i never knew..

updated


woke up. slept for 5 hours. felt the pain on my neck due to improper position i slept. feel like going back to sleep but fuck it. 5 more hours to book in and i cant afford to waste it. well, even if i dont wanna waste, still, i refrain myself from going out today. maybe im going to head to the barber and cut my hair.

im in doubt but i can sense somebody is letting the cat out of the bag. hypocrites hypocrites! we can be sometimes.

4:45 AM