4am.

and im still wide awake. i'm tired and sleepy but my soul just won't leave. instead, i hallucinate. on the bed, where the fans turned and you can hear the whoosh-ing sound it made. and you turned back and saw your friends, sitting around. telling you to wake up. wake up or it will not wear off. i tried to get up but its heavy. my body. too stiff to move. and the cold made me shiver and my hands keep trembling furiously. the lights suddenly became too bright and i tried not to open my eyes. scared of the lights. scared to face the cruel world.

and i laid down there, pretending as if i'm dead but my shaking body gives way. the flashbacks i am having. whispers of unknown people surrounding my head. i tried to hug my pillow but it's too far. i sighed at the state i'm having now. my friend pulled my hands, telling me it's okay. i realised, my camp mates may have bad influences but they are there. i shouted in pain as they accidentally pulled my pointy finger of my right hand. thats where i hurt myself when i punched the toilet walls. few jabs for each shower i had in a day, makes the pain goes away. and it made me forget for who i am. the purpose i always believed in. serve and neglect.

i wondered how long will this last. i felt the urge to pee so i stand up. my friends looking at me in a wierd way. as i tried to fight the stiffness of my muscles and make my way. in the toilet, i can't pee. the fan on top of the urinals is distracting. so i force myself to pee. i need to relieve myself so i can sleep.

430am.

the high pitch sound. the ones you had when you were at high altitude or when you accidentally blocked your ears. one minute that passed is the same liked 5 minutes. slow and steady. i was dreaming when suddenly my ears went POP!

445am

my world went pitched black. no dreams. no nightmares. i am guilty but i am safe for one more day..

4:11 PM